February Week 4 - Exploring The Meaning Of Love - Developing A Heart Of Forgiveness

One of the most challenging aspects to maintaining and developing healthy relationships for many individuals is learning how to forgive. How often do we find ourselves putting our guard up when meeting new people as a result of the hurt we've experienced through past friendships, romantic relationships, and even pain inflicted by a family member? Harboring this type of unforgiveness limits our opportunities to experience the beauty of building potentially long-lasting and purposeful relationships. A heart of unforgiveness not only stunts the growth of relationships but the stress of harboring resentment can also affect our health and overall out look on life.

Stress has been identified as the source of many illnesses to include some forms of cancer, heart attacks, high blood pressure, mental disorders, and Rheumatoid arthritis to name a few. Often times the easier option is to block negative events and disappointments from our minds, or dissassociate ourselves from the people who have hurt us. Regardless of how many relationships we end or painful memories we suppress, the pain still remains. Through developing a heart of forgiveness, many relationships can be restored, and even made stronger through the lessons learned during the process of forgiving. Though in many cases the severity of trauma we have experienced may make it difficult for us to even consider forgiving, we must remember that in order to be forgiven, one must also forgive.

"But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses." Mark 11:26



Suggestions For Developing A Heart Of Forgiveness


1. Acknowledge the source of unforgiveness or deed for which you are in need of forgiveness.

2. Pray and seek counsel or spiritual guidance as to how to begin the forgiveness process.

3. Address the problem by writing a letter or arranging a time for meeting with the person or persons with whom you have a need to forgive or are in need of being forgiven.

4. Be patient with yourself

February Week 3 - Exploring The Meaning Of Love - Making Time To Love

It's amazing how often we complain of there just not being quite enough hours in the day to accomplish all of the tasks on our "to do" lists. The truth of the matter is that regardless of how many things are left undone, we tend to make time to do what we want to do. Notice that I didn't say that we make time for the people that matter to us most, or the causes that are closest to our heart, nor did I refer to time devoted to fulfilling our life purpose. Unfortunately sometimes the people who we love the most are likely to take a back seat as we pursue our passions and strive to live with purpose. Then there are some days when even the passion we have for living a life of purpose becomes stagnant as we become immersed with the demands of day-to-day life.

When I examine my day-to-day routine, there are a few things that I know that no matter how busy my schedule becomes I am sure to take time to do. Whether it's eating, watching Oprah, reading, listening to music, or chatting with a special friend, there are some things that bring us so much peace and joy that we wouldn't think to go a day without making sure they were done. These are called the things that we naturally want to do, and sometimes in the process of doing what we want to do we fail to do what is needed in order to maintain positive relationships. It's a blessing when our wants and needs align so that as we fulfill our wants our needs are being met simultaneously; however, there are times when we must make a committment to stretch ourselves beyond our comfort zones and do a little something each day to demonstrate our love for our family and friends.

I encourage us to put aside some time each day this week to do something to nurture our relationships. That includes our relationships with ourselves. Sometimes we become so busy that even our needs are placed on the back burner. It's easy to do what we want, but love requires unselfishly giving, and through giving needs are fulfilled. Have a Happy Valentine's Day!!! :)

February Week 2 - Exploring The Meaning Of Love - Positive Communications

Remember the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me?" Sounds nice, but the truth is words do hurt. I'm sure that many of us can think back to childhood memories of being teased and taunted and how the negativity of the words used left us with feelings of inadequacies. The reality is that words are powerful. They can either be used to empower or serve as the source of a break-down in one's self-esteem. This week as we continue to focus on the meaning of love, we must be mindful of the words we use when communicating with others. James 1:19 encourages us to be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Sometimes the best decision we can make when communicating is practicing our right to remain silent. Silence can result in enhanced listening, time to reflect on the dialogue taking place, and gives us power over our emotionally-driven responses. This week before releasing words into the atmosphere that cannot be taken back, take a moment to reflect, and rethink before responding.

February Week 1 - Exploring The Meaning Of Love - What Is Self-Love?

Happy February!!! For many February is the month of hearts, flowers, candy, and most of all LOVE!!! We have cleared out the clutter, and established our foundation for success! As we continue our twelve month journey of self-discovery and personal development, this month will be dedicated to understanding the meaning of love as it relates to our relationship with others as well as ourselves. When considering the meaning of love, I am consumed with thoughts of God's unconditional love. His grace, mercy, and faithfulness should be our model for loving ourselves and those around us. Often times we enter relationships hoping to fill pieces that are missing within ourselves, only to find that our significant others are unable to fulfill our areas of emptiness, which often leads to feelings of resentment. It's amazing the demands we place upon others to do for us what we have been unsuccessful at doing for ourselves. We desire to be loved unconditionally but we have yet to forgive ourselves for past mistakes, we often settle for mediocrity instead of answering the call that has been purposely placed upon our lives, and we allow the world's negativity to destroy our peace. With so much unforgiveness and lack of peace within ourselves, how is it possible for us to truly love others? As the cliche goes, hurt people, hurt others, and I feel that healed people are able to support others in healing. Let's begin the month of February by exploring the meaning of self-love and spend each day doing something to demonstrate love for ourselves.

What Is Self-Love?

1. Reverance For Your Individuality

- Embrace your uniqueness, you were created with a God-given purpose.
- Identifying and pursuing our life purpose enables us to make a difference in the world through sharing our individual gifts and talents.

2. Recognize Your Value

- Live a life that values who you are as person. Eliminate habits that are toxic to your mind, body, and spirit.

3. Respect Yourself

- Self-Respect is the ability to live our lives in a way that is pleasing and honorable to God without compromise. We can create our own values, and measures of self-respect, but God's standard for living is infallible. The more our lives align with the word of God the more we are able to love ourselves and the world around us.


What will you do to Reverance your individuality, Recognize your value, and show Respect for yourself this week?

Suggestions:

- Spend this week treating yourself the way you expect to be treated by others. Treat yourself with patience, kindness, and forgiveness. Listen to your inner voice of reason in regards to how to proceed in making important decisions.


- Make a list of your personality attributes that you like or dislike. Develop a plan for how to maximize the positives and decrease the negatives.


- Do something each day this week that you enjoy doing with or without another person present. Create an additional list of things you have never tried but feel you may find enjoyable. Tentatively schedule times to pursue these interests throughout the year.


- Write down a list of areas where you are struggling with self-forgiveness.


- Pray for a renewed heart and spirit.


*Remember...The goal of self-discovery and personal development is to become our best selves! Don't forget to continue the positive habits that were developed in January and keep our lives clutter-free as we focus on exploring the meaning of love.*

January Week 4 - Clearing Out The Clutter - Month-End Inspection

The fact that we are now entering into the last week of January 2010 is a testament to how fast time truly does fly! This week's focus is performing a Month-End inspection. Just shy of a month ago, we decided that we were going to Win in 2010!!!! Now that the first month of the year is drawing to a close it's time to take out the magnifying glass and inspect our progress. Upon completing this month-end inspection, let's utilize this final week to clear out the last remnants of clutter, and tie up the final loose ends in prepartion for month two of our tweleve month focus on self-discovery and personal development. Below I have provided a checklist that can serve as a resource for performing this month-end assessment.


January Month-End Inspection

- Has all clutter within relationships, finances, home, and office been addressed and removed?

- Have you removed your mask before God and sought his guidance for dealing with areas of struggle?

- If your plan is starting a new business, bringing in additional income, becoming a homeowner or working toward accomplishing educational goals, ect., have you written out a clear plan of action for reaching your desired goals?

- Are you setting time aside time each day to mediatate and reflect on your daily goals?

- Have you tried journaling as a tool for gaining clarification, direction, and as a way to monitor progress?

- Do you know the total dollar amount of your debt, and the amount needed monthly to cover living expenses?

- Have you established a monthly budget?

- What steps have you made toward achieving fitness and health goals?


Personal Month-End Reflection

As I cleared out the clutter, and removed my mask before God, I discovered that winning in 2010 was going to be more of a challenge than I imagined! Years of bad habits do not develop overnight so we certainly cannot expect them to disappear within a few weeks. Creating the lives we desire requires a daily committment to doing a little each day toward restructuring our lives and developing better habits. Even if you fell short of your goals this month, it's not too late! Hopefully if nothing else, you will end this month with greater awareness of changes that need to be made, a greater sense of direction, and a plan of action. Use this final week of January to revamp, regroup, and refocus your attention on the goals that were established during the first few days of this month. Congratulations on victories large and small!!!! Give yourselves credit for any steps that you have taken in the direction of self-discovery and personal developement! I'm sure that many of you have successfully established your foundation of success and are preparing to implement your battle plan for winning in 2010!!! Have a wonderful week!!! See you in February!!!

January - Week 3 - Cleaning Out The Clutter - Time To Organize Our Finances!!!

Proud Homeowner!!! 4 Bedrooms, 2 1/2 Baths, New Construction, 3.5% 30 Year Fixed Interest Rate
Please visit www.naca.com to learn more information
about the program that made my dream of homeownership come true!!!


I don't know about you, but one of the least enjoyable activities of my day to day routine is sitting down and going through the bills! I would almost rather do anything than to sort through the assortment of utility, car, educational, and other expenses that demand my attention. The reason that this task proves to be challenging is because often times from month to month I find myself trying to figure out how my means will meet the needs. One thing that I have learned over the years is that you can run, but you can't hide from financial responsibility. Avoidance or failure to take a detailed assessment of one's financial status can only create financial ruin.

When we look at our bank accounts and the numbers are out of balance with what is required to cover our monthly expenses, the first step is always recognizing the problem. The ability to recognize the problem empowers us to begin seeking solutions. As a college freshman I was enticed by the numerous credit card offers that were readily accessible and displayed just outside of our campus student center. I joined the multitude of students who lined up to apply for our first credit cards with visions of shopping, and only having to make $15 monthly payments, and receiving the t-shirt and water bottle that were given in exchange for our committment.

Two years ago, I developed the desire to become a homeowner. It was at this time that the decision I had made to apply for various charge accounts ten years prior as a college freshman began to haunt me. Over the years I had experienced financial hardships that had caused my credit card balances to increase substantially, and the $15 minimum monthly payments that were once so attractive, had increased to amounts that were often times outside of my monthly budget. As a result, late fees, and delinquencies caused my credit rating to plummet, making Real Estate Agents turn me away within five minutes of assessing my credit report.

Saddened by the unfavorable response I received, I began to wonder if I would ever be able to pay down enough debt, or achieve a credit score that would make me worthy of achieving my dream of homeownership. One day I came home to a notice left in my apartment door from a real estate agent with information on it about a homeownership program called NACA. I called the number provided and the agent offered to sign me up for a workshop. Unsure if it was worth investing the time to attend, I politely thanked the agent and told him I would sign up at a later date.

Recognizing the need to get my finances in order, a few weeks later I signed up for a financial seminar hosted by my church. The Real Estate Agent facilitating the seminar also mentioned the NACA program, and after hearing the program referenced once again I decided that maybe I should register for a workshop afterall. The financial seminar provided by my church was held in January of 2008, I went to the NACA workshop that February where I was able to schedule an appointment to meet with a NACA counselor. I began meeting with my NACA counselor monthly beginning in March of 2008. During this time my credit report was reviewed, and I received assistance with identifying the necessary steps I needed to take in order to become a homeowner. On November 26, 2008, the day before Thanksgiving, I closed on my first home. Needless to say, on Thanksgiving day my heart was overflowing with thankfulness! I promised God a long time ago that on this journey of life I would use the lessons and blessings he's provided to encourage anyone who may cross my path. Below I have listed tips, suggestions, and links to online resources to aide all who may be interested with reaching their financial goals. I am now beginning a journey toward becoming debt-free and I would like to invite anyone who desires to experience the joys of financial freedom to join me.


Step 1: Face Your Debt - Set some time aside to focus completely on performing a financial assessment. Obtain a copy of your credit report, gather all monthly bills and expenses and calculate the amount of debt owed, and review interest rates on loans and credit cards.
Click the link below to obtain a free copy of your credit report.
https://www.annualcreditreport.com/cra/index.jsp

Step 2: Get Organized - Create a spreadsheet or use Quicken software to record expenses. All expenses should be recorded to include day-to-day expenses. Even small amounts, in order to keep tabs on where every penny of your money is going, and to determine the exact amount needed monthly for household expenses.

Step 3: Negotiate - Creditors are often willing to lower interest rates and/or settle a balance for an amount lower than is owed. This can be done by simply calling the creditor and making a request to receive a settlement, a lower interest rate, or refinance your home. NACA also provides a home save program as well as refinance assistance available to current homeowners. Visit www.naca.com for more information.

Step 4: Develop A Realistic Budget - Design a budget that includes all monthly expenses to include paying yourself first by determing how much to invest toward's savings and investment accounts. Entertainment and leisure expenditures should also be included and decided upon in advance in order to maintain your budget. Decide what your financial goals are and which areas you are willing to cut-back on to reach your goals.


Step 5: Plan A Course Of Action - After reviewing your expenses you may find that there is not enough income available from month to month to cover your expenses, reach your investment/savings goals, or to live the lifestyle desired. If this occurs it is time to consider options such as seeking opportunities for earning additional revenue, researching funding and requirements to gain an advanced degree or certificate, changing careers, or cutting out all unnecessary spending in order to reach financial goals.


Additional Tips For Achieving Financial Success

- Strive to live below your means

- Limit dining out

- Save and utilize coupons
http://www.couponmom.com/
http://www.wow-coupons.com/all-printable-retail-coupons.php
http://www.southernsavers.com/


- Always ask clerks or business owners about
possible specials or customer rewards programs.

- Purchase clothing during off seasons, or during seasonal
sales.

- Create a plan and stick with it!!!

January Week 2 - Cleaning Out The Clutter - Remove Your Mask!!!

This week as we move into the second week of 2010, I am challenging myself as well as those of you who are joining me for this journey of self-discovery and personal development, to remove your mask!!! Many of us have deep wounds and scars and we have spent years perfecting just the right way to keep them covered. We walk around with a smile on our faces yet inside our pain runs deep. We cover those parts of us that we don't want the world to see with our make-up, fancy weaves and hairdos, clothes, careers, and status only to find ourselves feeling very empty at the end of the day.

Our reasons for remaining behind the safety of our masks is understandable. Who wants to face the judgement and scrutiny of the world once they see us for who we really are? How many friends, and acquaintances would turn their backs on us if they knew about the mistakes we've made in the past, and those that we continue to make today? In many cases it is easier to keep our masks on versus having to deal with the opposition that often comes along with "Keeping It Real." Though we are able to hide behind our masks from the world, the one person from whom we cannot hide is God. Sometimes we wear our masks for so long that we even begin to fool ourselves into thinking that things really are as well within our lives as we portray them to be. This week as we continue to clean out the clutter in our lives, I challenge you to remove your mask before God and spend some time analyzing which areas of our lives are in need of improvement, and to begin seeking God for direction and healing. Below are my personal top five favorites feel free to create your own list or select from those provided below.


1. Finances - "The Baller"

Are you spending so much time trying to maintain an image or lifestyle that your finances are spinning out of control? Your designer clothes, purse, and shoes give you the appearance of having it all together, but what people don't know is that the bill collectors are ringing your phone off the hook.


2. Relationships - "The Perfect Couple"

Everyone thinks you're in a perfect relationship but everyday you're battling abuse, infidelity, mistrust, poor communication, or overall dissatifaction.


3. Spirituality - "Mr. Or Ms. Holy Roller"

You are in church every Sunday, Wednesday, and any other time service is held. You faithfully attend bible study and every church convention around the city. Yet your lifestyle fails to align with any of the messages heard, or scriptures taught.



4. Health - "Mr. or Ms. Diet Cola" or "Ms. High Metabolism"

Either you're always on a diet, feel like you will never have to diet or you just don't care. If you are a Mr. or Ms. Diet Cola, you're so overly health conscious that anyone who buys you a drink knows to ask for diet, you're constantly counting calories, yet time and time again you give in to temptation, and never seem to quite reach your fitness goal. Or Maybe you feel that because you have a "high metabolism" you are excluded from having to work out or watch what you eat and continue to fill your body with an unhealthy diet. Then there are those who just don't care. In order for our bodies to function properly it is important that we make a committment to provide healthy nourishment, rest and exercise for our bodies.



5. Negative Attitudes - "Mr. Or Ms. Freedom Of Speech"

It is important that we express our opinions and let our voices be heard, but sometimes it's ok to plead the fifth. Many times what we feel is simply voicing our opinion turns into a vent session that fills the air with negativity. If you find your vent session turning into a slew of negative remarks toward others, a stream of profanity filled declarations, or your voice rising to unusual levels, it may be time to plead the fifth, and seek ways to change the situation using more peaceful methods. The only people who want to be around negative people, are other negative people. Positive change, begins with positive attitudes and positive actions.


The types of masks we wear daily are endless. These are the top five that at different phases of my life I have found myself struggling with, and a couple that I am still fighting to overcome today. This week let's take our masks off before the only one who can heal us, and ask God to give us guidance and direction so that when people look at our lives, we will know that they are seeing us for who we truly are and not just our masks. One thing that each of us has in common is that we each exist in the world with our own set of imperfections. By being willing to take off our masks and share our testimonies, we give others the freedom to do the same.